Marshmallow Lies: Why your “flaws” are your greatest chance at success
“Are you f*cking kidding me? THIS AGAIN??”
That’s what I muttered under my breath whenever The Marshmallow Test was mentioned in one of my college psychology classes.
The moment it popped up on a slide, I would want to throw my hands up from my tiny little seat-desk combo (seriously, are those made for elves? I’m 5’8”) and say, GOOGLE THIS TO FIND THE TRUTH!
If you haven’t heard of it:
In the 80s/90s, psychologist Walter Mischel did a test on children from ages 4-6. He put a single marshmallow in front of each of them, and told them they could either
(a) Eat the one marshmallow right now.
(b) Wait 15 minutes, and have two marshmallows later.
He found the children who waited for the second marshmallow later got higher SAT scores, got better jobs, made more money, and generally just did gangbusters in life compared to the kids who didn’t wait.
It was groundbreaking at the time. Wow, impulsive people = unsuccessful, patient people = successful?!
People loved it.
Logical conclusion wrapped up in a little bow, right?
Here’s why I hate it.
First off, it’s been debunked.
In fact, Mischel himself did follow-up experiments that proved this conclusion basically wrong! IN THE 90s! Why is this being taught 30 years later to me at a research university?? My parents and I didn’t pay tens of thousands to California for this. WTF.
More importantly:
Secondly, it’s another example of “There’s one way to be successful, and if you ain’t it, you’re screwed” BS.
Growing up, we’re told we can’t succeed if we…
Act on impulse.
Aren’t good at test-taking.
Are unstrategic or unstructured.
Don’t have a plan.
Take our time.
Want to make our passion our job
Go for what we want because IDK, I just want it.
And, um, it’s lies?! All of it??!!
There are so many ways to be + thrive as a result.
I mean, take patience, for example.
You think super successful people are patient?
Holy shit, dude, if you think that, you need to meet more entrepreneurs, because that is NOT the case. I’ve met people who make millions of dollars a year and like 78% of them have ADHD.
Same goes for those other “right” qualities.
→ Sensibility?
Kara Goldin started Hint with zero experience in the beverage industry and an idea that a coke exec told her was “just terrible.” She has a $150M company. Next, please.
→ Finish what you started?
David Karp dropped out of high school. Sold Tumblr for $1.1B. Try again.
→ Strategic thinking?
Suzy Batiz, to this day, does not have an in-depth business plan. $600M valuation in 2019. Sorry, no dice.
→ Early riser?
Laura Belgray wakes up at 9:00am at the earliest. Lady makes $1M a year
I’m not against strategy, hard work, or learning to be a little more patient. We all need to put work in! You’re just not barred entry to a good life because you don’t fit what people told you was the only way.
Your qualities, and “lack” of others, are your genius. You can always make it work, and from a Human Design perspective — it’s your key to making it work!
So eat your marshmallows if that’s what you really want.
(Just save me some.)
Love + Joy,
Ariana
P.S. Even though I hate this study, it’s one of the cutest things you’ll ever see. Watch this one and try not to make this face.