How to get the benefits of a gratitude practice (without practicing gratitude)
For years, the word “gratitude” used to fill me with dread.
I still have a little PTSD around it, in fact.
Whenever I’d get to the inevitable PRACTICE GRATITUDE portion of any self-help article, I’d literally just scroll to the next part.
Ew. No.
Heard it before. Didn’t work for me. Don’t want to do it.
Next, please.
I hated it. People kept telling me practicing gratitude would make me feel:
Joyful
More productive
Like a master at the Law of Attraction
More connected and present
Every time I tried, I ACTUALLY felt:
Icky,
Heavy,
Forced,
And bad about myself.
I’d end up looking at my list full of all the things I knew I was lucky to have, like my family… my friends… my health… my home… and think,
“Cool. I literally do not feel any different. Actually, no I do. I feel worse because I’m still sad even though I have all this stuff I should be thankful for.”
So I was pretty much a huge anti-gratituder.
That is, until I finally realized something (disappointingly simple):
Gratitude works because it gets people to focus on good stuff that makes us happy. It’s really just a joy practice.
OOOOOOOH. That’s why this works?
I can do THAT!
Brave brave Sir Robin, he bravely ran awaaaaay (from gratitude)
This made me realize I didn’t hate GRATITUDE – I just hated the SHOULDS around it.
And if you’re a fellow gratitude-hater, it’s probably either because you hate SHOULDS like me… or you are really good at making yourself feel guilty (also like me).
I mean, we’ve all had at least one person tell us we SHOULD be grateful, right? Didn’t help much, did it?
One life-coachy kind of girl I worked with literally once said to me,
“Ariana, think of ALL the kids who don’t even have beds. All the kids who don’t have parents. I had a call early today with a guy whose father abandoned him as a baby, and then physically abused him when they met 7 years later. You have so much. YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL!!!”
Do you think that made me happier?
Um, no. No it did not. Child abuse does not exactly tickle my fancy.
But we’re in luck, because SHOULDS can always be thrown out!
So here’s the trick: Instead of asking what you’re grateful for, just ask yourself what you have that makes you happy to think about.
The difference is you’re not forcing yourself to be thankful, you’re allowing yourself to be joyful.
It’s really the same thing as practicing gratitude, you’re just doing it without allowing the SHOULDS to make an unwelcome appearance.
I don’t know about you… but that sounds way more enticing to me than doing something because people just, like, tell me to.
This can be anything:
It’s nice outside.
You ate an awesome salad for lunch.
Money from your job (even if you hate it).
Your dispensary is close by.
The Office is still on Netflix.
Hot showers.
Coffee.
Cupcakes.
Pugs.
Your friend who always makes you laugh.
Whatever!
Oh, and don’t pressure yourself to be happy about stuff you’re not happy about, either.
If you’re pissed at your partner – no. Don’t put them because you think you should. Just think about your dog or cat or pet rat instead.
(“YOU’LL never ghost me, Pumpkin. You can’t. You live in a plastic container.”)
Remember – we’re here for happiness. So do whatever helps you feel it.
What about you?
Do you like gratitude practices, or do you like this “joy practice” better? What works best for you? Tell me below!!
Love + joy,
Ariana