6 important things wish I knew when I started my “spiritual journey”
Every year, the company I used to work for runs a big live events with amazing CEO guest speakers.
I’m talking really amazing – like Daymond John from Shark Tank, Suzy Batiz of Poo-Pourri, Kara Goldin of Hint Water, and Kendra Scott.
Yet my favorite speaker, without fail, is ALWAYS a motivational coach named Michael.
That’s because besides being incredible at helping people overcome mental blocks, he’s just fucking hilarious.
Imagine a brutally honest 6’4″ dude from New Jersey with:
Zero shits to give
The ability to read you like the back of a box of Honey Bunches of Oats
ADHD
And you now know this walking espresso-shot.
One of my all-time favorite stories he tells on stage is the one about how he discovered the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People – simply for this line alone:
“I found this book and the first thing I thought was: Oh yeah. What kind of shit can I do with THIS?”
Yeah. He’s my hyperactive, mind-hacking hero.
The funniest part to me, though, is that “how-can-I-hack-this” mindset is exactly how I first approached spirituality.
Not only am I a very gogogonownownow person like Michael – I was drawn to spiritual practices, like intuitive living and tarot, because I was going through a really hard time and wanted a silver bullet.
As a result, I caused myself a lot of unnecessary stress while trying to (ironically) use spirituality to create a better life.
The following are things that, if I’d known, would have made the start of my spiritual journey so much easier… and can make yours easier, too.
And hey, some of them I still have to remind myself of… especially #4!
1. If you don’t resonate with something, it’s totally valid to let it go.
This used to stress me out a LOT, because I would hear about other people getting a lot out of certain practices… while I really didn’t connect with them at all. I felt like I must just be doing it wrong, and I kept forcing myself to do them.
Here’s the thing: Your “no, not for me” feeling is your intuition. And your intuition? That’s the universe speaking through you.
If something doesn’t feel good, that is the same as the universe telling you it is not right for you. You can and should move on!
For example, I’ve realized that I don’t really connect with:
Eastern forms of meditation
Wiccan rituals
Spirit Guide work
Transcendental Breathwork
Zen Buddhism
Voodoo or santeria
Veganism
Yoga (oh god, PLEASE, no)
If you tried something and you really, really don’t vibe with it, that’s cool. It just means it’s not for you.
There’s nothing wrong with you, I promise.
2. Your spiritual journey is yours and no one else’s.
Okay, to be honest, a BIG reason I stuck with some stuff I didn’t vibe with was because I was afraid people would mistake my decisiveness for not being willing to “do the work.”
I didn’t want people calling me closed-minded…
Or telling me I just didn’t try hard enough…
Or labelling me as a poor, naive, unenlightened plebe who still hasn’t read Be Here Now by Baba Ram Dass or hasn’t made it through Ziva’s free, 3-day trial meditation course (and, likely, never will).
Truthfully, it doesn’t matter if other people understand or agree with your journey – because it’s not for them. It’s for YOU.
Just because your path doesn’t look like theirs doesn’t mean your path is wrong.
Of course, your spiritual journey is not an excuse for not respecting peoples’ lives, time, and dignity… but if you’re just doin’ your own thing, and someone is trying to tell you you’re not “doing it right?”
Tell them goodbye, and good luck with their celery juice enemas.
Adios, butthead-o.
3. It’s not a competition.
Good GOD, could I write an entire article about this (I kind of did, actually).
Listen, whether or not you come across people like I just described, please just know that it’s really not about being the most spiritual, the most enlightened, the most Dalai Lama-ish.
“Being spiritual” does not get you ahead, or make you better, or establish you as the winner of some carnival contest for which the Universe will award you abundance and a Water Wiggler.
This is a stumbling block for some of us – myself included – who have felt uncomfortable seeming “unenlightened” for one reason or another.
So, we either work SO hard to develop our spiritual selves and are really tough on ourselves…
Or we become self-righteous, refuse to admit that we have anything left to work on, and push people down to feel better.
All this does is prevent you from the true growth you are looking for.
If you want to use spiritual practices to live a better life, you need to be able to able to:
Feel and accept your “un-spiritual” emotions like anger, sadness, and fear
Admit what you don’t know
Stay open to new lessons
Forgive and show love to yourself
Not be a dick
Spirituality is here as a way to make you feel better, feel more fulfilled and love yourself. Not to prove yourself.
You can be spiritual and still be normal, still have problems, and still be improving.
There’s no race to enlightenment, here!
4. The point of tapping into spirituality is to make your life better, not more stressful.
In his book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz shares a story about a man who wants to ascend.
So, he visits a master and asks him how long it will take him to achieve ascension if he meditated for 4 hours a day.
The Master looked at him and said, “If you meditate four hours a day, perhaps you will transcend in ten years.”
Thinking he could do better, the man then said, “Oh, Master, what if I meditated eight hours a day, how long will it take me to transcend?”
The Master looked at him and said, “If you meditate eight hours a day, perhaps you will transcend in twenty years.”
“But why will it take me longer if I meditate more?” the man asked.
The Master replied, “You are not here to sacrifice your joy or your life. You are here to live, to be happy and to love. If you can do your best in two hours of meditation, but you spend eight hours instead, you will only grow tired, miss the point, and you won’t enjoy your life.”
To put this into other words – life here on earth is a key part of the spiritual experience, not an obstacle to it.
Joy, fun, conflict, making mistakes, and learning from those mistakes are all just as valuable of teachers as meditation or “connecting to source” through out-of-body experiences or being clairvoyant.
You are a soul having a human experience. Lots of un-incarnated orbs of light on the other side would kill to be where you are, I tell ya.
5. The spiritual world is not stagnant. It’s evolving, and so is our understanding of it.
I know. That sounds kind of weird. Haven’t we had these practices for thousands of years? Isn’t the spiritual world always there? Doing its thing… bringing consciousness to us, the world, and also the kinds of dogs who can see ghosts?
Well, yes and no.
Here’s the thing: the universe is dynamic. It can, and does, change. And right now we are going through a Big Ole Paradigm Shift.
Basically, the “truth” of spirituality/consciousness is changing, and is more fluid and unclear than many of us think.
What does that mean for us?
We don’t have to get too caught up in figuring it all out. Just trust where the truth falls in you, and move along.
Heck, it’s probably going to change by 11:30 am next Wednesday, anyway.
6. The answer is probably already in you anyway.
I saved the most important for last
You and your intuition – at least in my opinion – have the best answers to your questions. Like I said, it’s the universe speaking through you. And it’s always there if you listen for it.
Even if the answer isn’t clear right this very second or if it isn’t arriving at exactly the time you want it to, your answer is THE answer.
You can follow whatever practice makes you feel good, and I encourage that.
The truth is, though, the best advice for making your decisions in life does not come from any outside source… whether it’s a leader, a guide, or a PDF on The Joy of The Yoni Egg.
This doesn’t mean you consciously know everything, and it doesn’t mean you have to do it all yourself. Lean on your mentors, your close circle, your leaders who you trust.
In the end, YOU, my friend, are the ultimate guide of your own life.